Second Chance Day

Hitting rock bottom feels about as good as it sounds, and three years ago that’s exactly where I found myself.  To say I drank a lot is putting it mildly, but it’s what I did.  I was in a lot of pain and I wasn’t dealing with it in the best of ways, so I chose to drown that sadness instead of confront it.  At first it wasn’t that big of a deal, but when you drink because you’re hurting, you begin to notice that it takes more and more alcohol to make you feel less and less pain, so I drank every day.  I was a mess, and I didn’t care.  I was a disappointment, a bad friend, and not a very good person.  Worst of all, I wasn’t being the kind of role model that the oldest sister of four should be.  How could I tell my younger sisters to make good decisions when every decision I made was a bad one?  I was a hypocrite.

Finally though, I had enough.  Without all the details and carrying on, I will just sum it up by saying it took several terrible situations all occurring at once to finally bring me to my knees and pray for God to help me.  On March 1, 2009, I quit drinking.  To quit anything “cold turkey” is usually not the best way to accomplish the long term goal of staying away from an addiction, but as someone who didn’t talk about drinking with my family because of how ashamed I was, I chose to do this on my own.  By no means am I implying that my family wouldn’t have supported me, because without a doubt, they would have, and they do now.  I was just too embarrassed at the time.

Fast forward to today, Mach 1, 2012 and all I can say is, it’s good to be filled with joy and not alcohol.  I don’t need it anymore; I don’t need a crutch.  That’s not to say that getting here wasn’t hard…it was!  And there are still days that are very difficult for me.  Anytime I’m upset, lonely, or something stresses me out, my first thought is always to drink.  The difference now, however is that first thought of drinking is followed by a second thought of not giving in.  In recent years I started going back to church after being away for a long time, and I’ve seen some big changes in myself during that time.  I pray every day- while I’m driving, at work, and especially when I ride my bike.  Most people wouldn’t even know by looking at me that I’m having a conversation with God, but a lot of times I’m doing just that.  The hold that evil had on me not long ago has been replaced by the One who never let me go…even when I let go of Him. 

During the last three years my energy has also been channeled more into riding my bike.  If I have a bad day and want to burn all that negativity off, all it takes is for me to get on my bike and ride as hard as I can for me to start feeling better.  I ride when I’m not stressed out too.  A day where I can pedal and enjoy the scenery around me is something that brings me great joy and always leaves me with that wonderful feeling of being ALIVE!  On my bike is where I find myself.  It’s where I remember, celebrate, sort out thoughts, and breathe.  While many people see a bike as just a means of recreation or exercise, I see it as part of me, and maybe one of the reasons I’ve been able to hold on this long.

I’ve come to refer to March 1^st as my “Second Chance Day,” but the reality of it is that I had been given hundreds of second chances during the time I drank heavily; three years ago was just the day that I finally woke up and realized it.  I wish I had something a little more glamorous to be proud of myself for accomplishing than basically learning to control an urge, but I’m very thankful that I did.  My hope in sharing this is that it maybe helps someone else.  We all have obstacles in our lives that are difficult to overcome, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible.  Just because you are in the deepest of canyons doesn’t mean you can’t stand on top of a mountain…you just have a little more climbing to do.  When you reach the top though, you will be that much stronger, and you will fully appreciate the view.

To my family and friends, without the support you all have given me these past few years, I might not be in the place I am today.  I love you all very much!

And to my future husband, Jesús, who accepts me despite the mistakes I’ve made, and supports me in all I do, I love you more each and every day.  Thank you for being mine.